Newsong's "The Christmas Shoes." Terminal illness and Christmas mix about as well as egg nog and cod liver oil. This is especially true when lyrics of a Christmas song about terminal illness are so bad that they will make you snort egg nog out of your nose as you laugh uncontrollably at Newsong's d-grade attempt at sentimentality (or cry uncontrollably - the song does have that effect on some people). It's a little bit of an obscure song (rightfully). So here's the refrain: "Sir, I wanna buy these shoes, for my momma please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry sir, daddy says there's not much time. You see she's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes will make her smile. And I want her to look beautiful if Momma meets Jesus tonight." Laugh or cry - it's undeniably creepy.

I recommend Dylan Sparrow's creepy take on Silver Bells. His low vocal style embodies the heaviness of the holiday. The throngs of Christmas shoppers in the song are a burden on the city more than an emblem of joy.

More than any one creepy Christmas song is a makes-your-skin-crawl Christmas CD I once ordered on Amazon, Happy Clucking Holidays! It is a dozen or so abbreviated holiday classics clucked by some big Blonde guy I saw on David Letterman a few years ago. He was on twice, once in very slept-in clothes, then a couple weeks later opposite Grinder Girl in a tuxedo and yellow chicken suit. I love Grinder Girl, so I bought the CD, thinking maybe they were a team. Not so lucky! Great arrangements and very well done but it's really CLUCKING AWFUL!!! Highly recommended!

The First Noel as performed by Julian Koster of Neutral Milk Hotel from his incredible record "The Singing Saw at Christmastime". That whole record feels like christmas in purgatory.

"'Zat You Santa Claus"...I have had to accompany the choral version a couple years in a row now, and hearing high-school girls sing about a jolly (?) old intruder who's painted in a Hitchcock light is jarring, at best. "Cold wind's a howlin'...could that be growlin'?" CSI: North Pole, here we come.

Baby It's Cold Outside! That's not really a Christmas song, but they play it a lot around the holidays. The next line is surely "I'll grab the rope now just sit still". Talk about pushy!

Prior to realizing that "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" was a song about a child's innocence, and that Santa was actually daddy, I thought it was creepy and awful that there was a holiday song that blatantly celebrated infidelity.